Being a new mom is hard. They give you this baby to take home and no one tells you how to take care of it. You’re dealing with sleepless nights, spit up, crying, and pain from giving birth. But through this you’re doing your best and you get into a groove. You start to learn what works best for you and you’re happy with your new little family.
Someone comes along and shares some unwanted advice and you start to either rethink your decision or get frustrated.
Now don’t get me wrong, if a mom is unknowingly doing something that could harm her little one, then say something, but do it nicely. But there is nothing worse as a new mom than someone questioning every little thing you do or giving you advice when you don’t want it.
So let’s talk about a few of the things that you shouldn’t say to new moms (or any moms for that matter).
“You’re going to spoil that baby if you hold it too much.”
This one is so frustrating. Babies need to be held. They just entered a brand new world and the only thing that is familiar to them is their mom.
Also, science has shown that you can’t spoil a baby. Babies don’t cry because they want attention or are manipulating you, they cry because they need something. They need food, a new diaper, sleep, or just to be held and loved.
Please don’t tell a new mother not to hold her baby too much because there is no such thing. Keep your thoughts to yourself and let that mama hold her baby.
“Aren’t you breastfeeding?”
First off, this is no one else’s business but the moms.
Second, the baby is being fed, that’s what matters.
Now I’m all for breastfeeding and that was my plan when I had Braelynn but it didn’t work out. I tried and couldn’t so then I pumped until I couldn’t anymore.
It was hard for me and it was upsetting that I couldn’t breastfeed her like I wanted.
But you know what made it worse? People asking if I was breastfeeding. No, I’m not but is that really a question you should be asking?
Once again, keep your opinions to yourself and let that mama feed her baby however she wants to needs to.
“You need to get that baby on a schedule.”
I’ve never really understood this one. Do you operate on the same daily schedule?
You might some days and you might follow and loose schedule but not one like most people want babies to follow.
Now if you put your baby on a schedule then that’s great, but it doesn’t work for everyone. Braelynn was never on a schedule. She ate when she wanted, slept when she wanted, and played when she wanted.
We weren’t slaves to her schedule and we went about our normal lives. She learned to sleep anywhere as a baby and it was great.
Now I know all babies aren’t the same but that’s kind of the point. Please don’t tell someone they need to put their baby on a schedule. You don’t know their child as well as they do and their child might not need a schedule. Their baby might thrive not being on a schedule.
The point is, mamas know their babies best so let them decide to use a schedule or not.
“You think this is bad? Just wait!”
I hate this one so much! Yes, I know each stage has it bad parts and as they get older the struggles get more difficult but please don’t take the joy away from it.
I feel like saying this is also taking away from what the person is going through at that moment. If a mama is dealing with really bad teething with their baby and someone tells them, “You think this is bad? Just wait!” they are basically telling the mom that her struggle now isn’t hard and that you don’t care about it.
Instead of saying this, why not say, “I remember those days and it was hard, but here are some things that we did that helped.”
How about giving some helpful advice instead of invalidating her struggle.
“You look so tired!”
Thank you, I know I look like a zombie, I don’t need you to tell me.
Moms have been through so much just to bring that baby into the world. Then they go through the newborn stage and deal with sleepless nights and sometimes a fussy baby and the last thing they want to hear is that they look tired.
How about we say, “You look like a natural at being a mom” or “You look so happy.” Let’s just not comment on mom’s looks unless you have something positive to say.
I know this might seem innocent but you don’t know what that mama is going through, so let’s just keep it positive.
“That baby needs some socks!”
Guys, this one was said to me when Braelynn was about a month old and I’m surprised I kept my cool.
My husband, Braelynn, and I were looking at apples and I was holding Braelynn. Keep in mind, it’s the middle of summer.
An older lady walked up and said, “She’s so cute but you need to put some socks on her.” I kindly said, “Thank you but she’s fine.”
The lady looked at me and kept insisting that I needed to put socks on her, like she wouldn’t leave it alone. I ended up just walking away from her and she was still talking.
She didn’t have socks on because it was hot and they never would stay on her itty bitty feet. The point is, you don’t know the moms reasoning for not doing something so don’t comment on it.
The socks weren’t worth the hassle of them falling off all the time so we didn’t use them. This lady was so rude and I know she’s the extreme example but please keep your thoughts to yourself.
Being a new mom is hard enough without everyone elses input. And as moms we should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down. What are some things people have said to you that you were shocked by? What are some things you wish people would stop saying to new moms?